Dysfunction No. 2: Fear of Conflict

"Harmony itself is good, I suppose if it comes from working through issues constantly and cycling through conflict. But if it comes only as a result of people holding back their opinions and honest concerns, then it’s bad."

Patrick Lencioni

1. Have boring meetings.

Boring meetings can indicate that people are not ready to speak up or share ideas and that, in turn, can indicate that they are scared to be ridiculed or even punished for their thoughts. Better safe than sorry that’s what they think.

2. Avoid controversial topics.

When it comes to serious problems, no matter if you want to discuss them or not, you will have to deal with them. But the longer you wait, the worse the situation gets. For this reason, a healthy team tries to solve problems as soon as they pop up.

3. Take into account the opinions of every person in a team.

If not, then there is something wrong with the team dynamics. Some team members feel rejected, and that does not have a positive effect on their work. And most probably, they do not insist on being heard.

It may sound paradoxical, but for a relationship to grow there must be conflicts. We are all used to the thought that conflicts are a destructive force. However, this is not necessarily true.

First of all, there is a difference between interpersonal and ideological conflict. Interpersonal conflicts are really dangerous as they are directed at personality, which often means aggression.

Ideological conflicts, on the other hand, are about ideas - and they can be the fire in which brilliant solutions are born. The problem is, that both types of conflicts can share some of the same features: they can both look emotionally loaded and full of frustration, so it’s quite easy to mistake one for another.

The lack of conflict leads to artificial harmony, the irony of the situation is that while avoiding conflicts we only let the tension boil up. The result? When boiling point is reached and people have had enough of each other, expect shouting and angry words to fly. People may end up saying things that it's hard to walk back from.

This is why it is more reasonable to have debates and let everyone express their thoughts and disagreements. This will prevent people from holding grudges and transforming professional frustrations into personal attacks.

The most important thing to overcome a conflict, says Lencioni, is to realize that it can be productive. Besides that, other methods can be helpful:

Minin. Team members who usually use the tactics of avoiding conflict should assume the role of a “miner” and extract the problems covered under silent disagreements. This is not easy as it requires courage to point out sensitive issues, yet it is very effective.

Real-time permission. In the course of “mining” for a conflict, some people may get very uncomfortable and eager to end this whole story as soon as possible. To ease the tension, a leader can remark and remind them that the conflict they are involved in is "productive conflict" and that it is being encouraged on purpose.

Lencioni says that even though this may feel more like a technique for mediating family conflict rather than workplace disagreements, the permission to continue gives confidence and strength to go on.

Other tools. Besides personality-type tests the author already mentioned, there are others specifically designed to identify how a particular person reacts to conflict situations (like Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument). Knowing your natural inclinations, you can adjust them to situations and choose the most appropriate approach.

The Role of the Leader. Very often leaders try to do everything possible to soften conflict, in order to protect their people. Though it can feel like losing control, a leader needs to step back, let the conflict flow, and let people develop their conflict management skills.

Connection to Dysfunction 3. Unless people feel that their opinions have been heard and taken into account, they will never truly commit. And to hear everybody’s views, there must be debates – and conflict, sometimes.